For me, faith has less to do with God and more to do with what I can see & touch & feel. Do I have faith in God? Yes. But it’s easier for me to have faith in something that’s tangible. I was raised in a very devout, religious household. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve developed my own belief system and I find that it’s very different from my upbringing. My husband and I don’t go to church or partake in any kind of organized religion. We were married by a justice of the peace. I believe in God, but that’s about as far as it goes.For many, many people of all different backgrounds, being a part of a community or religion is an essential part of their everyday life, it’s who they are. Belief in a God/Christ/deity/holy being/higher power and prayer to Him/Her/It is how they are able to make it through the day. For still others, God is there and church is something they go to, but perhaps it’s more on the back burner in their daily life. We are all different, unique, and beautiful in how we believe - or don’t believe - in a God.
Faith is kind of the same way. It’s different for all of us. I think we all have faith in someone, or something. Faith may typically be linked to God, or a religion, but it doesn’t have to be. For me, faith is the knowledge that I was given my daughter for a reason, that there is some kind of higher power out there that put us together. Somehow we were paired up (and perhaps God comes into the picture there, I’m not really sure) but I know it was not by chance that she came into my life. She needed me, and I needed her. She knew there were things I needed to learn about myself, and she was going to teach me.I planned on a normal, full term pregnancy. I planned on bringing home a healthy, chubby baby after a 2 or 3 day hospital stay. I planned on everything being perfect. She had something else in mind. At 27 weeks gestation my daughter was born, weighing just over 2lbs. They weren’t sure if she was going to make it and prepared us for the worst. Somehow though, throughout the surgeries and specialists and close calls in the NICU, I never doubted that she would live. I knew my daughter was going to be ok. Her dying was never a thought that I entertained. It just never occurred to me that it was going to happen. I had faith in her.
What she has taught me over the last two years is to have faith in myself as well. She has taught me that I have more patience and strength than I ever imagined possible. I can try to soothe a screaming baby at 2am who’s hungry but refuses to eat. I can reinsert a mic-key button (by myself) that my toddler just pulled out. I can fight with doctors and insurance companies and medical supply companies to get her the necessary treatments and therapies. I can juggle working full time while keeping appointments with her litany of specialists. I can handle her meltdowns in stores and malls because she can’t process the sensory overload. She has taught me that one person can make a difference, because I make a difference to her.
My daughter has helped me find the confidence and self-assurance that I was missing. I’m a different person because of her, a better person. She has taught me to have faith in ME. She has taught me to not doubt myself, but to trust my gut instinct, and to know that everything I’m doing is for her good. She has taught me that I’m not just a mom, I’m a MOM. And she has taught me to believe in myself.Faith is different for all of us, but I think it’s something we all need to have on this journey. I never realized how much it was lacking in my life until my daughter showed me. For me, it’s not faith in God or a religion. It’s not faith in something else. It’s faith in myself. I know I can handle whatever life throws my way. Everything happens for a reason, and I was blessed with Elizabeth to teach me these lessons and to show me who I am capable of becoming. I am forever grateful to her for that gift.
