I am a mom of a 35, 29 and 27 year old, all having IEP's from the day they began school. First in NY and then in Florida, I learned a lot about how the system works, or does not work. In total, I figured that I sat at the table at 34 IEP's and Transition Plan meetings, not counting the repeats, retries and reviews, to which I was invited so I could sign the changes! I was lucky, in a way, because I didn't have friends, families or other acquaintances advising me that IEP's were created to drive parents crazy, or the friends that would say "just grin and bear it, your kid will get what they see fit anyway"...I was able to figure it out for myself, which was a good thing.
My first IEP was for my oldest adopted daughter. She came to live with us, already registered in the second grade. She was a challenged 8 year old. The time we spent at her meeting was pretty productive: an educational psych was ordered, her classroom assignment was predetermined by her last school placement and any special accommodations that might be necessary were placed on a back burner to be based on the psych evaluation. What I didn't know was that it would take 8 months to get an eval completed! We limped along with her education, trying different ways for her to learn (Thank you Mrs. Roberts for being so inventive!) I began to see a connection between her ability to learn and music. It did not matter how bad the music sounded, as long as it was music. I began singing the times tables around the house and making songs up about colors and numbers. She learned, not as much as I had hoped, but more than before.
So the following school year, eval done and all the bits and pieces of Mrs. Roberts and my experiments in ways for her to learn in hand, we sat down at the IEP table. Now, I had a healthy understanding of the IEP's focus and how the procedure went. There were teachers, therapists, a psychologist, an administrator and some others who just had to be there because they were supposed to be. We all shook hands and introduced ourselves. I might have been a bit nervous about what was about to happen next but, I did listen, and waited. I got a different prospective and realization about these professionals. In many cases, it was the rules and regulations and the laws that kept them from assisting. I was able to find some ground centered around my daughter's ability to learn better through music. I thought for a moment and then decided to just say it, no matter how absurd these professionals would think it to be. I took a breath and spoke, "I teach my daughter by making up songs that help her!" Some of the professionals were nodding at what I was saying and one, even smiled. She explained to me that the learning part of the brain is in a different part the part that hears, understands and enjoys music. "Wow", I thought, I wasn't such a nutcase after all! That moment brought with it a whole change of thought and prospective for this and future meetings, we thought of different way to use music in her learning and set up accommodations to work in that capacity. 
The tone was set, from that time on, through Middle and Senior High School our IEPs and Transition planning went well. There were times when we had differences of opinions, and sometimes that was a good thing. What I found most important about the process is that most of our teachers care about the kids they are teaching, but they have restrictions and have to be compliant to do their jobs. I am really sure that many of them get frustrated and angry about how their hands are tied by the very system that is supposed to do it's best for every child. If there is respect between the parent and the school, if you don't walk into one of these meetings with a chip on your shoulder but instead you do have your facts and ideas ready for them, the meeting will go reasonable well and you will have given them a reason to respect you for your care and concern for your child and for them.
There are some times when there is no answer and other avenues and ideas need to be explored. When those times come around, I found that getting assistance from online sources is very helpful. I use The Central Florida Parents Center at times. (Although this is a Florida based organization, the information you can find on the site is of good value in many situations). I have also looked for information on ECAC.
If you can go into these meetings with a list of necessities and a wish list, offering it to the professionals in a respectful way, I believe they will do all that they can to do as much as they possibly can within the rules and regulations that they have to follow.
My girls are out of school now, although one is still in college and does take advantage of the accommodations offered by the Disability Department at her school, it is very clear to me that the IEP experience need not be one that can bring anxiety and upset with it.
I just turned 34 and feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a gun that is the ticking clock of motherhood and child bearing years. Every day, every hour, I think about another child. It is on my mind constantly. I feel such a strong desire to have another. But I'm terrified. After an incredibly complicated first pregnancy that resulted in a 2lb 27week preemie, I am already considered high risk. I have some serious health problems that require medication I can't go off of, so I am high risk. Each year, each month, each week that goes by only adds to that risk. I feel an intense desire and yearning to have another child, and I feel like I have to do it sooner rather than later, but the fear is crippling and suffocating me.
What about my daughter? Is it fair to Elizabeth to give her any less than 100% of my time, love, energy, and devotion? Will we see regression with a new baby in the house? She's come so far and I don't want to see her go backwards. With all I've been through with Elizabeth, I cannot fathom loving another human the way I love her. What if I don't love the new baby the same because I haven't gone through the same experiences? When you have a medically fragile child, when you watch her stop breathing in front of your eyes and be resuscitated, when you fight tooth and nail for better care and better doctors, when you treasure each moment because you don't know what the next one may hold, an incredibly unique unbreakable bond forms between mother and child. Protector. Fighter. Advocate. MOM. What if I don't develop that same close bond, that same unique love for the new baby? What if I don't feel the same way towards it that I feel towards Elizabeth?