Magic Mike, my grandson

I am the mother of three adopted daughters and one natural daughter. This blog is about Melissa, she is now 34, her mother drank as did her dad. She came to us at 8 years old bringing with her the scars from a life which weighed heavily on her. She suffers from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome which led to mental challenges, learning disabilities and a cleft palate. Her lower jaw was occluded, meaning it jutted out so that when she closed her mouth, her bottom teeth came over her upper teeth. She was also terribly needy when it came to attention and love.

Her struggles were unique and as time went by we found that our major concern for her was to acquire life skills. My husband and I went to all the IEPs and tried to communicate our fear that she wasn't being taught the fundamentals of life: reading and making food from a recipe, writing a check, budgeting, shopping for groceries. The school and teachers did not seem concerned about any of these skills. As time went by her face was becoming worse. Her jaw was occluding more each day! We found "Operation Smile" and they began an extensive bracing program to prepare her mouth for surgery. When she was 16 she had a massive surgery...27 screws, 3 plates and 9 hours of reconstructive surgery by an amazing plastic surgeon named Dr. Ruiz. He donated his time and talent to help kids with clefts and other facial deformities. Melissa was awesome when it was all completed and the swelling went down. Although, we still dealt with the other challenges, she felt so much better about herself. We saw many changes. She had confidence and the terrible headaches she experienced now came about every 3 months instead of 3 times a week!

Melissa graduated High School with a special diploma and at her final Transition Meeting a Vocational Rehabilitation counselor offered us VR's special help in trying to give her the everyday skills she needed. They also offered her a job coach, the ability to go to vocational school and more. She got a job in McDonald's and worked diligently. For the first time in her life she was making money, although she had no idea about it's concept, it was a beginning. Unfortunately, she met the wrong people and they got her to leave us and helped to put her on a road that was not terribly great for her or for us to deal with. All in all, she returned and left 4 times. I got a call that she wanted to see me, my fears had become reality, she was pregnant. Our family sprang into action, her older sister, my natural daughter offered her a place to stay upon the baby's birth. Tracy, her husband, family and friends built a room and furnished it with the crib, fridge, TV and bed. She was given use of the house kitchen, bath, living room, etc as well.

On June 29, 2012, Michael was born, he was a bit early and had some initial problems, but he went home in good health. He was a bit scattered in the beginning. We are not sure if the reason was his premature birth or something else. Melissa was given help through the county's Early Steps Program 0-3 services for at risk kids, WIC and she continued to work on a very part-time bases for McDonald's. While living at her oldest sister's she and Michael remained safe, as we tried to figure out how best to deal with the situation. Now we are that village that was so popular in the past. We, grandparents, Melissa's sisters and some really good friends, as well as, Volunteers of America have provided continuous help and support giving her the opportunity to live on her own with assistance and for Michael to get the support and help he needs to grow straight and strong.

Recently, we began to notice a shift in Michael's mouth. We realized that he was getting the occlusion which meant that it was from his heredity, not part of the FAS as we had thought until now. He has been seen by a pediatric dentist and will be monitored until he is 4. At that time he will be accessed for treatment and that care will begin in earnest.

This Christmas was the first year Michael has begun to understand presents, Santa's Ho Ho Ho, sparkling trees, special food, etc. There is nothing sweeter than seeing this through the eyes of a child.

Our road has been and will continue to be rough for them both but, I am so proud of the family that has stepped up...it has been so amazing to feel the warmth as we continue to work together with the objective being to make sure Michael grows up to be a fine person who is loving and caring. He sure has a large amount of good examples around him!
[caption id="attachment_6976" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Magic Mike with my daughter Laura putting together his first set of Legos[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_6977" align="aligncenter" width="200"] lovable 2 year old, with a bit of mischief in his eye[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_6978" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Michael and his mom[/caption]