Our daughter has always marched to the beat of her own drum. From the moment she came to this world we know she was like no other. She brought a strange peace about her, which as long as we could keep her body in balance, maintained. She could swing for hours in her baby swing, just staring at the lights above her. We didn’t know at the time that she had autism. We wouldn’t find out for years to come.
She loved to cover herself in food as a young toddler. A bowl of yogurt would calm her down. She would wear it from head to toe, but washing it off made her angry. We of course couldn’t allow her to walk around coated in yogurt, we had to find other ways to keep her calm.
She always loved it when I would play with her hair, even before she could speak to let me know. The pulling of her hair seemed to calm her. Even when she would let out a grunt to let me know the pony tail was too tight she remained calm, yet she would scream if she touched water as if water were acid burning her skin. None of her body seemed to work the same as ours.
We started off with pigtails, but soon she began pulling them out only to get me to put them back in. We added more and more pony tails. The more she had the more she seemed to calm down. It was then that it hit me, our daughter’s hair being done was what calmed her. She could have it brushed for hours, but really what she liked was the tightness of having it pulled, and so that is when the braiding began.
It amazed me that the same child who could not sit still on the couch long enough to have a shoe put on, or stop herself from shrieking and arching in the car could sit peacefully to have her hair pulled on to be braided, but without question it brought her peace so it brought me peace as well.
She is now seven years old and her braids are now a retreat. There are many reasons why we continue to row her hair “as needed” despite the fact that she faces some adversity at school and in public. Other than the sensory aspect, our daughter thinks her hair is beautiful that way. She loves her friends who wear their hair in braids and rows and though their skin colors may be different shades than hers she does not see the world through the looking glass that is tainted by a soured world that has been created by flawed and tattered patterns of thinking. It has taught her how to stand up for herself. She has learned to speak directly to people to tell them if they do not have something nice to say to her then she would prefer they left her alone.
It stops her from chewing on her hair. As part of her autism, nearly everything goes into her mouth. Her hair is in her mouth nearly constantly. When we take the time to make her hair “beautifully braided” she makes a conscious effort to remind herself to break away from sensory behaviors that are unhealthy.
It teaches her patience. In no way is it a quick and easy hair style. She has learned over the years to sit for longer and longer amounts of time without squirming, even if she stims, she has to hold still enough to get her hair just how she wants it. It has been a wonderful tool in teaching her to learn to feel her body and be able to control its motions.
It helps us spend time together in a positive way. It helps us connect. Human connection on a personal level is not always easy for a child with autism. The more times she sits for braids, the more I get to learn about her. Her body is nearly always busy, and when it isn’t she prefers to be alone. This gives us a wonderful opportunity for positive connection.
To be honest when she was just a bitty bald thing swinging away staring at her mobile this is the last thing I thought I would be doing seven years later, but this is what mothers do; anything in their power to make a positive connection with their child, to help them thrive and grow. Be it cornrows or ballet a mom’s got to do what a mom’s got to do.
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